Some people become a different person around certain people.

That's not true, they just become different aspects of themselves. 

Fact #4

The word, 'melon', as in the fruit, originates from the original name 'Milan fruit', named after the city from which the melons originate. As the fruit became more widespread across the globe the name evolved as accents differed from Milan fruit, to just Milan, to millon, to melon. Fact.

Why iTunes gets the album covers so horribly wrong

Normally I wouldn't mind when the 'automatically-download-artwork' feature in iTunes get's the wrong album cover. I mean  when it gives me the cover for 'Stevie Wonder: Greatest Hits' instead of 'Stevie Wonder: The Definitive Collection', it's not like I'm going to murder someone (much), I don't mind, it's not an issue.
Today however I thought that iTunes had taken it a step too far when I looked at my Jackson 5 album cover. It shows an orange cover, fine, a bunch of black guys dressed in white, yes, ok, they were black, almost, for a bit, most of them, still. But I had to look twice when I counted the number of men on the front to be six. Six men. Ok, that's fine, I've probably made a mistake. I check the artist, no, 'Jackson 5' it says, not 'Jackson 6'. Alright, maybe I typed it in wrong. TO THE INTERNET! Yep, no, definitely only five...
So, either the internet is wrong (hahaha, don't be stupid) or there was a sixth Jackson brother. Yes, that sounds plausible, probably called Jeff, who they kept in the attic and fed him on fish heads. But one night he manages to escape, brush the fish-heads off and dress himself in a white suit to suddenly photo-bomb the 5's next album shoot. And everyone knows the Jackson family can't count, so no one noticed...Until now!
...Or iTunes just got the cover wrong. Meh, I'm sure I can still sell that story to the tabloids.

Oh here's another one: so I have a song from the soundtrack to 'The Hills', nice MTV reality show and iTunes gives me the album cover to 'The Hills Run Red', nice ultra-violent spaghetti western...

The Penny

I gave a penny to a boy

Who spent it on a wooden toy.

The boy that he had bought it from

Had been saving for a plastic gun.

The toy seller kept a penny from this profit
Which rolled down a drain when I dropped it.

The penny was chipped but still intact

Until eaten by a hungry rat.

The rat it ran out onto the street

To be flattened by a passing jeep.

The rat rotted and was washed away

But the penny remained until one day

A passer by picked it up

Crying, "Ooh, now I have good luck!"

Forgetting he was in the street

And was flattened by another jeep.

The penny it rolled through the town

Into a river to drown.

Where it was eaten by a fish.

The fish was caught

And the fisherman thought

"What a lovely meal

This will be for us all."

His family of five

Ate the fish to find

The daughter with a sore tooth

And a penny in her mouth.

She said it was lucky

And put it on a shelf for all to see.

Years later she left

And her parents thought it best

To sell the house,

Move somewhere else

And sit out the rest.

Today I am excited

To move into the house I've always wanted.

As I peer round the door

There, on the floor,

A copper coin staring back at me,

A flash in my memory,

But oh no, I forgot it

And slip the penny into my pocket.

Why tipping up crisp packets always goes horribly wrong

You know the situation; you’re happily enjoying a packet of crisps, peacefully munching away. Then towards the end of the packet, HELL ITSELF UNFOLDS. You straighten out one edge of the packet and gradually raise one corner to your mouth to allow those final unreachable crumbs to slide onto your waiting tongue. BUT! You failed to flatten the edge of the packet causing the crumbs to get stuck. Unable to see  what calamities are occurring right under your nose  you foolishly shake the packet, to get those last crumbs and spray salt and vinegar in your eyes.

Ok, perhaps you're not quite that malcoordinated, but perhaps you are the person who still has quite a few large crisps at the bottom but becomes impatient and greedily begins this idiotic process early, causing the large crisps to fall and cut your lip. Maybe I’m just incredibly clumsy, maybe I’m the only one stupid enough to partially blind myself during a simple act of consuming crisps. Besides all this, be damned those people who, upon finishing their packets, tear it open into one flat sheet which they then lick up any remaining content until clean.

Ow! I just bit my lip, I suppose that will teach me to chew gum...but the pain has subsided and I’m still chewing.

Does that make me a liar or a hypocrite?

Where am I?

Ah, yes crisps, I like crisps, so why do they taunt me so?

Fact #3:

Ok, get this:

Cheer-leaders...right, ok, 'cheer-leaders', got that, right....Are there...ok...to lead the cheer.

I know right! Who would have thought it!

Versatile, like a fish.

Fact #2:

Paintings of people from 't'olden days' look really ugly because the painters deliberately made them look bad so that the paintings wouldn't outshine the real version. Take for example this hag:



Who actually looked like this:

The latter painting, a later portrait of the same woman, is an example of the 'Attractivist' movement established in an attempt to increase gallery admittance.

Fact: the wrists are the dirtiest part of the body.

Barbie and the Living Dead