Oh no! I think I'm blind!

I should see a doctor.

Your Mum

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you, I don’t get your mum jokes. Well I do, they’re just not funny. Some say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, it’s not, sarcasm is the highest form of wit...compared to adding the words your mum to the end of everything you say. I was first introduced to the wonderful world of your mum at about the age of 11, when I told an Aussie, “You’re stupid.” To which he instantly snapped back, “Your mum’s stupid.” “What? No she’s not.” “Nah, mate. It’s an Australian joke. When someone says something, you say “your mum.” And when someone says your mum to you, you say “your face.” and someone says your face, you say “your dog.” And when someone says your dog you say “your dog’s face.” And when someone says your dog’s face you say “your mum’s dog’s face” and then when someone says...” then he sort of trailed off as all his wit had dried up. Within a week the entire school was replying to every insult with “your aunt’s dog’s mum’s cat’s face” or the like. The phrase is no longer a weak come back but now a universal joke, to which everything is unhelpfully replied to with a “your mum” and a snigger. But now thankfully the joke is going out of fashion as people are quite rightly getting tired of it and people have discovered the best come back to a “your mum” joke is a short, sharp fist to the face.

Update: I wrote the above quite a while ago it now seems your mum has been thankfully eradicated from the earth, or perhaps I've just grown up so my ears have learnt to block out your mum and let in classical music.

"Thinking on your feet."

...that's why they have that chair on Mastermind. 

Moody

So my Skype just asked me what my mood was. Ok, it didn't but it gave me the option to write my mood and always being bad at describing my mood,  my first thought was to write 'mood', but that didn't make sense... So then I wanted to right 'moody' because that would be funny, 'mood: moody', but then I realised that it wasn't funny. So then I thought, 'Why does moody mean to be in a bad mood?'. Surely to be 'moody' would simply to be in a mood, or 'mood-like' (mood-like? that makes no sense... how can you be like a mood?). Therefore if you are in any mood, which is all the time, unless you are emotionless, as even nonchalance (love that word, just about know what it means) is a state of emotion, then you are 'moody'. Why then is moody presuming that you are in a negative mood? Does that say something about the human condition that the extreme is presumed to be towards the negative? Either way, I don't understand.

How does Bonnie Tyler know he has bright eyes...

...if he hasn't turned around yet?

"Change Status"

Film Making #5 (Kindness)

An edited down version of Skrines' entry to our house drama competition. I really enjoyed making the film and am very proud of the final result, winning was just a bonus. The full seven minute version is available here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcsiFBhzGNA&feature=g-upl

Film Making #0 (Porterloo)

This video is numbered '0' as it was the first one that I created, when I was eleven. Using what basics I knew about Flash, this is what I came up with, enjoy.

Film Making #4 (Hartley)

Don't ask me to explain, it's on this list for a reason.

Why time flies when you’re having fun

Ok, this isn’t true at all, I understand exactly why time seems to go faster when you’re being entertained. At least I think I do, I just needed some excuse for telling the whole world my idea, which I do think is kind of obvious though:

Right, electricity travels fast yes? No, you don’t have to answer (laughs aloud) I can’t hear you. And the brain’s messages are electronic signals that buzz round super fast to tell you what’s going on? (small steps) So this means that the brain thinks about stuff faster than they happen, let me examplise (all over your face): have you ever been thinking about something whilst something else has been going on, like a song playing or someone talking, you’re surprised to find when you’ve gone through a whole film or whatever in your head, the song or maths lesson hasn’t passed very far. This fact also explains why in dreams it seems like months or years of events have passed when it’s only been a couple of minutes. So, when thinking about stuff our fast thoughts make it seem more time has passed so time in the real world goes slower. This explains when having fun we are frolicking about in real world time, participating in tangible events, touching real objects only thinking about events as they unravel at normal speed. However when bored there is nothing to keeps are minds occupied, so we resort to reminiscing or imaging stuff in our heads because there is nothing else to think about. This happens a lot faster than the boring task you’re being made to do, so real world time seems to be slower as you’re travelling faster than it. So, when having fun, our mind is occupied with real world activities that keep us at real world speed, but when bored we think of other things and so in essence travel faster than the task you’re doing so the time appears to go slower.

Take that relativity!