Your Mum

No, no, no. I’m not insulting you, I don’t get your mum jokes. Well I do, they’re just not funny. Some say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, it’s not, sarcasm is the highest form of wit...compared to adding the words your mum to the end of everything you say. I was first introduced to the wonderful world of your mum at about the age of 11, when I told an Aussie, “You’re stupid.” To which he instantly snapped back, “Your mum’s stupid.” “What? No she’s not.” “Nah, mate. It’s an Australian joke. When someone says something, you say “your mum.” And when someone says your mum to you, you say “your face.” and someone says your face, you say “your dog.” And when someone says your dog you say “your dog’s face.” And when someone says your dog’s face you say “your mum’s dog’s face” and then when someone says...” then he sort of trailed off as all his wit had dried up. Within a week the entire school was replying to every insult with “your aunt’s dog’s mum’s cat’s face” or the like. The phrase is no longer a weak come back but now a universal joke, to which everything is unhelpfully replied to with a “your mum” and a snigger. But now thankfully the joke is going out of fashion as people are quite rightly getting tired of it and people have discovered the best come back to a “your mum” joke is a short, sharp fist to the face.

Update: I wrote the above quite a while ago it now seems your mum has been thankfully eradicated from the earth, or perhaps I've just grown up so my ears have learnt to block out your mum and let in classical music.