Why My Brain takes 5 Years to Process Stuff

I only just noticed that "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles (Sarah Baralis...Zara Braless? I dunno) is not a love song! STOP THE PRESSES! BREAKING NEWS: LOVE SONG IS NOT A LOVE SONG! The lyrics are "I'm NOT going to write you a love song", how misleading. It's actually a hate song. I still like this song (I don't love it because it lied to me).

Minty Bacon

How can anyone understand minty bacon? Nuff said.

Why You Haven't Seen "Once Upon a Time in the West"

My apologies to those of you who have seen my new found favorite film, If you've seen it then you don't need to read this, if you haven't then you should stop reading and go watch it now. Oh damn it now everyone's left...that was stupid...oh well I'll just talk to this rock. So the 1968 classic spaghetti western epic is epic...and classic (and a western, but there wasn't any spaghetti) is a damn near perfect film, Mr. Rock.

The tone is set with glorious backdrop of Monument Valley and a sound track that is awe inspiring, although these things don't make the film. The brilliance in the film is a simple thing that people keep telling me to do like it's breathing, but that this film achieves effortlessly: "show don't tell". At not one point in the film does the script sit down the audience and say, "Right this is what's going on, this is how you should feel." In fact there is very little dialogue that is explicitly plot related, most of what's going on is told through the character's actions. This has the great effect of making the characters, the plot and the setting seem real because they talk as if it is real. The action is slow but well paced, each scene builds up tension beautifully giving room for character development and scene setting usually without any dialogue, so that when the brief moment of action occurs, it is powerful and conclusionary (that's not a real word apparently). This build up of tension means that throughout almost the entire first half you're on the edge of your seat not knowing quite how these seemingly irrelevant events piece together, but when they do it all makes sense and it all fits perfectly.

All the characters are bad-asses, but I'm not talking about modern foul-donkeys that are such because they can take a nuke with nothing but a fridge, that's still bad-ass, but the guys in "Once Upon in the West" are just cool, they're calm, collected, but when they pull out that pistol you know they mean business and there is reason and emotion behind it. These guys are awesome because they don't talk with their mouths but with their expressions and actions. By saying so little they become dense characters each with their own intriguing plot lines. This isn't just true for the main characters but every secondary character seems unique and real even if they die in the first scene.

This film is brilliant, that much is clear, but what I really don't understand is why it so surprisingly good. These simple techniques should be standard, yet they're rare in cinema. 40 years on, "Once Upon in the West" is still a masterpiece and an example to the cinema industry.

Did you get all that Mr Rock? Yeah, no, you're just a rock...

Why the world rejects my supreme intelligence

I’ve had a blocked dose for some time now and after blowing down my nasal passage with the force of a Chuck Norris round house kick, I concluded that the problem was the bunged up mucus was too dry and had hardened so wouldn’t come out, no matter how many lumps of brain I blew out my ears. So I tried to be too clever for my own good and remembered that when crying you get a runny nose. This led me to assume that the tear ducts in the eyes were directly linked to my nose, true or not my resultant solution failed miserably. I took this fact and proceeded to tilt my head back and pour water into my furiously blinking eyes. This water was taken from my water bottle that sits stagnant on my desk festering a zoo of undiscovered bacteria. Thus this irritant was no moisturising eye drop, but more like a lemon juice shot through the eye of some nutter alcoholic. The water didn’t flow into my nose. So I’m still sitting here with a blocked up nose although now my eyes feel like they’re on fire.

Why this guy is such a foot (Leg-end)

http://relogik.com/
Found this guy, Danjam Stankovic, a designer, everything he's come up with is awesome. Enough said, check it out.